The Best Ways to Ruin a Moment
by faded harmony
Summary: Whether Leo is dropping food or screaming off-key Rock from the 60's, Valdez sure knows how to break things up on the Argo. He's gotten so good, Coach Hedge doesn't even need his baseball bat! Doing a list of pairings, Percy/Annabeth, Frank/Hazel, Jason/Piper, Leo/Festus (That was a dare.) Suggest more! In the end, somehow Leo will find a way to screw it up. Collection of Drabbles.
1. I - Piper In The Sky With Diamonds

**Hey I'm back with a whole collection of Oneshots about Leo Valdez and The Quest To Ruin Everyone's Romantic Moments onboard the Argo II. Him and Coach have a plan to make the most memorable smoochy moments less smoochy and more MOMENT**

**moment meaning LEO STEPS IN AND MAKES THINGS AWKWARD**

**So let's start off from the top of the list: The Beatles! **

**Disclaimer: Well obviously i am not a full-time troller, and only part time, and I am not the All time Trolldian but just Universal. SO ME NO OWN UNDERSTANDO OKEY GOOD NOW GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGgogogogoogogo gogogogogog**

JASON X PIPER - I

Jason felt like he was dreaming. The sky was a soft caramel color, and the wind was calm and soothing as it whistled off the deck. The water lapped calmly beneath him, and even the unfortunate upchucks from Hazel below deck couldn't faze him from feeling so...at ease.

"Enjoying the view?" Piper slipped her hand into his, and threaded her fingers so they were woven between his. Jason only closed his eyes and smiled, wishing he could freeze the moment and keep it like a picture- so he wouldn't lose it, and look back on it for bad days.

"It's so...peaceful." Jason said. "No attacks. No monsters."

"Yeah, but with our luck, in five minutes the ship will flip over," Piper brushed his shoulder, and sent electric tingles down Jason's spine. "Or something will eat Leo."

Jason sighed. "Would we have to save him?"

"Yes, Jason, we would."

"...Would we have to do it immediately?"

"Jason," Piper scolded, but she sounded like she was trying not to laugh. "He's our friend." Jason opened his eyes again and stared directly at the sun, trying to burn a hole right through his retinas. "You were joking though...right?" Piper asked, but she sounded uncertain.

"Of course," Jason answered, but the smile he flashed to her was teasing, so she could never know for certain. "I was just wondering when I get to spend time with my awesome girlfriend, somewhere in that schedule."

He could feel her blush. "Oh." She said, sounding embarrassed. "How about now?"

The thing about Piper was that she never had good pick-up lines or special reasons for a kiss, she just did it when she wanted, which was fine by Jason.

He turned towards her slowly, watching her kaleidoscope eyes dance with colors from the sun, casting long shadows that looked like trees in the water with orange tops; Maybe like a field of tangerine trees. The sky seemed almost invisible and unimportant as Jason leaned in...

He felt a swift breeze peddling past him, and the slightest faint sound of a guitar being strummed. The water seemed to flow more sharp, like the boat was gently nudging the bank of a river.

He could feel her breathing and was about to kiss her, when suddenly he was interuppted by someone singing loudly in his ear: "PICCTURREE YOURRSEELLF ON A BOAATT BYYY A RIIIVVAARRRR-" In a twangy texas croon that made Jason go into alert mode and almost topple off the boat.

The source of the noise turned out to be Leo, who was hanging upside down from a loose sail, strumming a tiny ukulele while singing more "WITTTHH TANGERINEE TREESS AND MARMALADEEE SSKKAAAAIIIESSSS-" and plucked the tiny instrument so forcefully one of the strings snapped. "SOMMEBODDYY CALLSS YOUUU, YOUUU ANSWER QUITE SLLLOooOOWLLLYYYY; A GURRRLLL WIIAAATTHHH KALLLEEEIIIIDOSCOPEEEE AAAYYyyyYYYEEeeESSSssSsSS-"

"Valdez!" Piper complained, while her face was bright red. Jason felt like someone had put his face dangerously close to a bonfire, and he was heating up and probably turning pink.

Leo strummed the Hawaiian instrument more furiously and spread his arms out like a rockstar. "PPPIIIPPPERR IN THE SKKAAYYYY WITTHHH DIAAAMOOONNDSSS, PIPPPPERRR IN THE SKKAAAYYYY WITTTHHH DIIAAAMOOONNDSSS, AAAAAAaaaaaaAHHHhhhhHHHH, OOHH WAAAAAaaaaaaaAAHHHHHHHHHH-"

"LEO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHH HHhhhhhhhhhhhHhhhhhHHHHhHH-" Leo sang even louder and the pitched dropped in random intervals in high and lows until Jason's ears were about to bleed in a fury of Valdez Tonedeafness.

Piper took his arm and they walked down the stairs to the lower deck together, trying to ignore Leo's drone of 60's Rock.

"Way to ruin the moment, Valdez," Piper muttered as she plopped down on a beanbag in the mess hall room under the upper deck.

Leo's face flashed in from the port window. "That's what I'm here for, Beauty Queen." He gave her a cheeky grin, slammed the port window, and flew off like a trapeze artist in a white cape while emitting more strangled plucks from his ukulele and imitating Sir Paul.

Jason sighed. With Valdez on board, all couples were doomed for mortal embarrassment and harassment from the one and only single guy with them. He was starting to regret bringing both Leo and Coach Hedge aboard- the two of them would team up and make the lives of being in a relationship miserable.

As for Leo, on the top deck; He scratched off a checklist of "The Best Ways to Ruin Romantic Moments W/ Company and Friends."

"Holy Hephaestus," Leo muttered as he scanned down the list. "Festus, we got work to do."

**Hey, I have some ideas, but I plan to do lots of chapters with random JasonxPiper, or PercyxAnnabeth or FrankxHazel or really I'll do any pairing, Bromance or OTP or WHATEVAH but I WILL NOT TAKE OCs OR COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS NON-CANON SHIPS LIKE...HERAxPERCY JUST NO GOD PLEASE NO**

**:DDDDD Suggest Plsss and Review and I'll give you a blue cookie with BLUE ICING AND SPRINKLES :DDD AND A BLUE PANCAKE HAPPY HOLIDAYS HEHEHEHEE**

**~ universal ~**


	2. II - Annabeth Can't Stand Parody

**Ugh I suck at updates. Sorry. Here's more Leo being awkward! :D**

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns Percy Jackson**

**Carly Rae Jepson owns Call me Maybe even though I only made a short parody. I don't know.**

**Anon reviews: **

**Guest- L? I'm guessing you meant "Lol" but okay.**

**Teamleo- That's some intense spasm typing**

**Guest- HI And here is your Percabeth one! :D**

**Corrected- Lol! Coach will help with some, but we'll see how it goes...oh god, wait until I do Frank and Hazel's. o_o**

**ICanHasCheezbrgr- :D I will! **

**So I realized these are more of drabbles than anything but you know what, I don't care, I need some light fluffy drabbles to make my day run smoother so it works out. **

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****PERCY X ANNABETH - II

It was one of those rare moments that Annabeth was absolutely silent, and her mind was physically asleep and not thinking about architecture or math; and when her thoughts had settled into her mind and were locked in place so her dreams wouldn't be disturbed by them.

It was one of those rare moments Percy found peace; he was perfectly fine with stroking her hair and watching her sleep (although if he told her that she would say he was a stalker and hit him) without being haunted by nightmares.

And Percy knew it wasn't going to last, so he liked to prolong the moments for as long as he possibly could.  
Annabeth stirred in her sleep, turning over her pillow and dropping onto the floor in the process. Percy extended his hands to catch her, but he nearly fell off the couch with her and picked his girlfriend back up to steady her.

Percy was perfectly happy for his girlfriend to keep sleeping, but the Fates had other plans. Annabeth stirred and shook her head groggily. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"Shh," Percy said in a low voice. "You're dreaming. Go back to sleep."

Annabeth woke up. "No I'm not, stop messing with me, Percy." She sent him a dark glare, and Percy retreated to his corner of the couch.  
"Sorry," he apologized, his lip curling into a pout that Annabeth thought was cute. "I thought you might want to sleep longer."

"SLEEP!" Came a cry from the kitchen. "I LOVE SLEEP! AND COFFEE!"  
Annabeth spun around. "Leo!"

The son of Hephaestus that Percy had just met, Leo, peeked his head behind a counter. Percy was still having trouble getting over the fact he looked like Hazel's old friend, Sammy Valdez, whom they had yet to find the connection to.  
"Sorry, I won't disturb you two lovebirds," Leo winked at them. "Go back to doing whatever, I'm just repairing some stuff."

Percy sighed. "What was I saying earlier?"  
"I don't remember, we were interrupted." Annabeth sent a glare in Leo's direction.  
Leo started humming. "_Lalala, boat on a river, lalalala, marmalade skies...la la.._"

"Could you stop that?" Percy demanded, irritably.

Leo burst into song. "_PIIIPER IN THE SKKYYY WITH DIAMONDS!_"  
"LEO!" Annabeth yelled over his horrible belt into song. "STOP THAT!"  
"Sorry!" Leo called back. "It's catchy!"

Percy groaned. At this rate, him and Annabeth were never going to get some alone time. Coach Hedge was prowling like a wolf and didn't let any interactions occur while he was watching besides hand holding and bodies had to be twenty centimeters apart. Leo was no better.

"I'm worried about you," Percy started to pick up where he left off. "I mean...you're worried, and the whole Mark or whatever.."

Annabeth's expression was as infuriated as an irritated flying boar. "You stop talking there," she warned.

Percy held up his hands. "I'm trying to be nice, Annabeth."  
"Well stop."  
"No." Percy folded his arms over his chest. "I won't." He said stubbornly.  
Annabeth was having a hard time concentrating when her boyfriend's face looked like a stubborn toddler who wouldn't eat his vegetables.

"Agh, you're so cute when you're worried," Annabeth went to kiss him on the cheek. Percy blushed, but Percy instead decided his cheek was too far away from his mouth and went to kiss her instead.

Instead, Annabeth's lips came contact with the top of some oily, black curly hair that was not belonging to Percy. Percy had done the same, confused and opened his eyes to see Leo Valdez had stuck his head between the two in an attempt to join the conversation.

"Hey, I was gonna ask you guys if it was alright if- Aaaw, I love you guys too!" Leo smiled so happily while the two backed away and Leo squished himself between them. "So, what's up?" He poked the side of Percy's cheek and looked back and forth between the two, still grinning."_Oooh_, were you two gonna _smoochy_?"

Annabeth's rage peaked it's limit and her frustration mounted an all time high. "LEO VALDEZ!"

"Que?" Leo started humming a song again, and burst into song again "HEY I JUST POKED YOU, AND THIS IS CRAZY, BUT ANNABETH IS MAD, AND _I THINK SHE'S GONNA KILL ME_!"

"AAAGGGHH!"

Piper and Jason, on the deck, frowned at the sudden yell. "What was that?" Piper asked.  
"Probably Annabeth," Jason mused. "I think Leo's suddenly going to be in trouble."  
"Should we help him?"  
Jason glanced at his girlfriend like she was crazy. "Absolutely not!"

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**So any more requests? All I've gotten is PercyxAnnabeth (^) and Coach Hedge and Mellie. But this is MoA based so I don't know how I'll manage that...maybe by Iris message? Nevermind. **

**See you guys next time! FrankxHazel is next, by request! **

**~universal~**


	3. III-Frank And The Unhappy Dragon Festina

**What? They're just drabbles! D:**

**So this is one of my original ideas I had...oh god, you have no idea how long I laughed when I thought of it. **

**PFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Reviews: **

**Lia D- HI LIVIA :D I am NOT a zombie, because a zombie would have to attacked me and I'm too stupid and don't have a brain so it wouldn't want mine anyways xD IM POSTING NOW LOL :D**

** - :D HI I'm glad you are laughing xD I try! (A little too hard maybe lolxD)**

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan! :D**

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FRANK X HAZEL - III

Out of all ideas, Frank thought this was by far the worst and the one he had not thought through all the way.

Besides, how was he supposed to take her on a date if they were on a freaking flying giant warship heading over the Unite States to go fight a war in which a lot of them might die? How was he supposed to deal with that? In Canada things would just be so much simpler!

And it wasn't like he could ask the others '_hey can we take a short stop in the middle of the Atlantic ocean at a nice seaside restaurant so I can take my girlfriend on a date?_' Frank wasn't the brightest guy or the most socially involved, but somehow he was able to guess that wouldn't fly well with the others. Heh. _Fly_. They were on a flying ship that- never mind.

So because of that, Frank was sitting uncomfortably on the top deck of the Argo II, his stomach growling because he was trying to eat without shoving the entire plate in his mouth. Hazel wasn't eating, but looking out over the railing to the endless sea expanse beyond.

Frank slurped up a spaghetti noodle like he would have done to any other chinese noodle his grandmother liked to make. "What's wrong?"  
Hazel turned back to him, her curly bands tied back in a silver pin and her clothes a little ruffled. "Nothing," Hazel managed to say. "I'm just...thinking."

Frank put down his fork. "Is there something you want to tell me?"  
Hazel looked at him with an intense golden gaze into his eyes. "You appear to have some sauce on your chin," she picked up her finger and pointed.

Frank blushed and wiped it off with a napkin. "Better?"  
Hazel smiled, her dazzling white teeth peeking between her smile. "You look handsome either way."

Frank felt like someone had pressed an iron hot griddle against his face. "No, really, is there something wrong?"

From Hazel's mind, Frank was doing the cutest little pouty thing with his face, and it was almost too adorable for Hazel to resist that.

Hazel was worried about everything. About Nico, for one, how they had to find him in less time than she would have hoped, and about Frank, who was being forced to take an unexpected road trip to a place that could likely take Frank Zhang out of existence, and she was worried she was falling for Leo, because as amazing as Frank was, when she was around Leo she felt confused. Leo was confusing. Feelings were confusing. Life got complicated.

"It's nothing you can fix," Hazel said instead. "Just silly things."

Frank extended his hand across the table to take her hand, and almost knocked over their glasses. He had set up a tiny table with a tablecloth (don't tell Percy but it was his toga from New Rome) and spare glasses and tableware from the kitchen and sat under the stars at night.

Frank was about to say something, make suddenly everything just a little better, when something landed on his face with a WHUMP! and he almost fell off his chair.

"Hey!" Frank protested, shoving the lumpy object off him. "What the heck-?"  
It was a pizza.  
A flying, temperamental, _pizza_, with extra cheese and mushrooms, that sailed through the air out of nowhere and smacked Frank in the face. He threw it off the side of the ship, where is made a splash in the water below him.  
"Ugh," Frank groaned. "This was my last good shirt!"  
Hazel giggled, as the son of Mars tried to wipe off the tomato sauce from his clothes, and someone yelled "Festus! Do not throw pizza! Bad boy!"

Hazel froze, and her and Frank raced over to the other side of the deck. Leo was sitting at a dinner table much like the one Frank had set up.  
"Hi Hazel," he waved and smiled in recognition. He dropped his hand and met Frank's eyes in acknowledgement. "Frank."  
Frank nodded stiffly back at him. Then he stared at the scene in front of him.

The bronze dragon Leo was so obsessed with- the one he was always talking to, and cleaning and getting reports about the ship's status from, had gotten a makeover. "You guys were on a date?" Leo asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Looks like you were too," Frank grumbled.

Festus, the dragon, was wearing pink blush between his scales. Someone had used mascara on the edges of the dragon's eyes, and a large blonde wig sat between the dragon's ears. A messy line of lipstick covered the dragon's lips, giving it the appearance it was smirking, but Frank had a feeling the dragon didn't appreciate this type of treatment.  
"Me and _Festina_ were on a date," Leo explained. "_Festina_ didn't like my pizza so she threw it across the ship and hit you in the face. Sorry."  
"It's fine," Frank muttered, but he mumbled in an even lower tone "_Sure, dang it_."

Leo grinned. "Oh, good. By the way, Hazel, I borrowed some of your lipstick to dress up _Festina_."  
"Leo!" Hazel fanned herself. "Why are you on a date with a dragon? And he's a _happy_dragon, but he doesn't look happy now!"

"Nonsense!" Leo said. "Oh, Frank, I used your toga for my tablecloth. Hope you don't mind."  
"DAMMIT! LEO VALDEZ!"

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**Ugh! Give me more ideas! I'm not creative xD Next I'm doing HedgexMellie because Corrected requested it. BUT UGH REALLY I DONT HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS ANYMORE XD**


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